Rainbow

I can feel the chill..snow right beneath me..i cant move…I cant even crawl…gunshots everywhere…a few minutes ago I was also one among them, firing at the opponents with no mercy at all…and now.i am here…lying down on the snow…blood over the body.Surprisingly I cant feel any pain…how can i…my body has gone numb…I can feel nothing…or have I ever felt anything in my whole lyf???Nothing….nope,wait…I can now feel it…an urge to live…a feeling I never had for my entire life…I want to live because I saw it…through my watered eyes…I saw it on the sky…a rainbow!

“How many more we have to run ali bhaiya?”,I shouted and asked one of the guys who were running with me.
“3 more kilometers,amir”,he shouted back and that sounded like an order.
We were at a training camp.to be more precise a terrorist training camp.Dont frown…I know everyone hated the term itself.But not everyone…bcoz  we never called it in the way others do.We fight for our rights.Our rights are what we feel right.And for that, no matter who….what…why,we are ready to drop our blood…sacrifice our lives..!!

“Thank allah…it’s over”, I was panting like a dog after that session.I never thought I will have to take this much pain to be so-called terrorist…in our words…a jihadi.As a child I always liked guns and bullets.I liked it when my abba shot down cranes and hunted deers and pigs.But later I realized that abba not hunted animals,but humans also.I was never sent to school or college for my education.My abba and several others in the village never believed in it. When I reached the age of 17 I was taught that our lives are indebted to Allah and it is our foremost duty to serve allah even if it costs our lives.

At first I was terrified at hearing this.I never liked to kill humans.I liked to hunt down birds and animals just like my abba did,bt humans…never.But unfortunately,religions were created by humans,not animals….eventhough a few weels later I realized that animals were better….

“Amir!!!Amirrr!!!”,Ali bhai was roaring at me,his eyes red.his eye are always red.
“Are you dreaming???” he roared again.When he do so,most of the people standing near to him drop their heads down.They do so not because of respect or to watch the grasshopper jumps…but to avoid themselves from a splash of saliva that escapes out of his mouth.I always liked this funny stuff and I used to laugh…in my mind.

Ali bhai was a very experienced warrior.He has done many wars against our enemy in Kashmir.We all admire of his scars and bullet marks over his chest.Those were the signs of a hero.Me too wanted to become one.And now I am ready to go.

“In the name of Allah,let me tell you that your training period is over.Now I send you to a village in India-occupied Kashmir called Gilgit.I want you to stay there for two months and be our informers and from there you can come over the LOC very fast.Every move of the Indian army and the local police must be informed to us.Are you ready?” Ali bhai asked us.
“Yes,bhai”,we all said unison.Everyone, just like me, was excited at this.Our first mission.That to in the enemy land.Perfect.
But I was a bit disappointed that no guns were provided with us.Only some daggers and other knife-stuffs.Any way I got ready to go both mentally and physically.Finally here is a chance for me to do something for my religion.My heart filled with pride.

We were in Gilgit in two days.we were 9 in number.Dont know how our head officials managed to get us there across the boundary.Gilgit was a beautiful village just like every other village in the Kashmir region.Snow hills with its clear lakes, pine forests and of course beautiful girls.
I can see the white snowy mountains shining like large glass plate at a distance,tall pine trees decorated with lumps of snow and overall I can see a beautiful Kashmir village out there.My friends were also mesmerized with this beauty of that place.

“Hey amir,you are not a tourist here.”,Mahmood,one of my friends,reminded me.
Oh shit! Yes , we are not here to enjoy the beauty of this village,but to inform our seniors back at our motherland about the movements and plans of the Indian army behind those icy mountains.Suddenly my mind woke up from the soft feelings of a young boy to the frozen feelings of a warrior,just like the ice!

I was the team leader for this group and I had to plan how everything must be done in a safer manner.we found an abandoned building and decided to stay there and keep our weapons there.I just looked around from the top of that building.Again those soft feelings came running back to me but I shooed them off.It is not the time to tour,it is the time to war….the Holy war!

I could see a hotel to my right around a 100 meters away,a small tea shop to my left and a lake in front of me,a 100-200 meters away.On the other side of the lake I could see some children playing or running,laughing…may be a school,I thought.Behind the school,it is green.Yes,that is the pine forest through which we have to make our move.I weaved my plan in my mind just like a spider weaves its web to hunt.

At night,we gathered in the building to discuss our plan.There was no light except of the few candles we lit.I started.
“Listen,we have got 2 months from tomorrow here in this Indian village.So far we have got the information that the war will most probably start from October.Our national army is planning to take the full advantage of waging war in the onset of winter season.But our enemy is not a fool not to take any counter-attack measures.”

“Arrey,don’t give us the usual ‘commander-pep-talk’..just tell what is your plan!”.i was interrupted by asif and everyone else laughed.Yeah,why should I waste time.

“ok..ok…here is the plan.First,we should not give any notion to the local people here that we are from Pakistan.For that we should as nice as possible towards the people here.Have food from the hotel nearby,talk in Hindi and just walk around in the evenings.”

Everyone listened. Yes,they are interested to my plan.

“Everyday 4 of us will be patrolling the mountains behind that school.for that we have to cross the school premises.”

“How can we do that?we are new here and surely they’ll ask us.,”again I was interrupted by asif.I think he is not as interested in me as he is in the plan.

“That’s a gud question.We have to make some of the children of this area our friends and we can get into the school through them.got it?” I asked.

“I hate to be with children.But the plan is a sort of gud”,again asif.

“I’ll take care of the children,”I said,”and when 4 of us are in the mountains 3 of us should be outside just roaming here and there and watch the local police.And the rest, be in the building and communicate with us through the walkie-talkies….k?”

“That sounds good,amir.We are on for it!,”mahmood said and everyone nodded in support.

So that’s it.Finally I made myself a leader.

The mission started early the next morning itself.Weeks passed and still we couldn’t get past the school.Somehow I managed to be close with a boy named Munna ,a 9-year old boy,but he always refused me to go with him to the school.The team members were frustrated at this.They told that we would just sneak through the school but I waved all those rubbish ideas away. I wanted MY plan to work out.

It was almost a month.Our head-officials were very much frustrated with our slow approach and they denied any extension of our time in India.But the next day it happened.The most wonderful day of my life.

“Amir bhaiyya,can u please come with me to my school,My mom is ill.please…”,it was Munna.
I was waiting for this.My friends too were excited at this.They exchanged smiles.
“Oh sure,no problem at all.come..let’s go”,I said.
“Thank you,Amir bhaiyya”,Munna said
I should say thank you to you,my little boy.I thought with a smile.

We took a small boat to cross the river and reached the school.I steeped into the school compound and I studied the surroundings.It is easy…very easy to cross the school.In fact there were not much of students or teachers.And no one would even notice if someone pass through.Hmm…thanks to this situation of education in backward Indian villages.

But I was stuck at a window.Two eyes were staring at me.At first I was a bit tensed as I thought whether It was police but it wasn’t.Me too looked back.Two beautiful eyes…then it disappeared.i was disappointed.But then she was there,out on the corridor…She was completely covered in her purdah.All I could see was her eyes….two beautiful eyes…she disappeared to some classroom.

‘Who could she be?A teacher?’ I was thinking while I was coming back to the building.’Or some child’s parent?’ I did not like that assumption,so I did not consider it.
I just saw her eyes but it was enough.I don’t know how might she luks like,but she must be beautiful.

“Sahib,u have to get down”,the boatman said to me.
That awoke me from my thoughts and I saw my friends waiting for me.I did not want to tell this to them.Why should i?

They were all happy that the school obstacle can easily be overcome.Me,mahmood and asif were assigned to go to the mountains and that made me more happy.I could see her again.May be.

I don’t know y I felt like that.I have never ever even thought about having a girl in my lyf.To be precise,I have never looked at a girl or neither liked anyone.I just did not believe in love.I just wanted pride…the pride of being one of the warriors who fight for the Holy religion….the Holy war…
But now…I feel different..may be this was written..otherwise how can I feel like this just by seeing two eyes…not just eyes,beautiful eyes.I wanted to talk to her,but how…I don’t know…I just watched the star studded sky and slept by dreaming those eyes…

“So let’s go….it is time!!!”,I shouted at my gang members.I was so excited not just because I was going to spy my enemy but also that I am going to meet those eyes again.
Mahmood and asif came running by and were ready to go.we hid our equipments in a school bag and we got into our boat.

My hear was pounding fast as the boat nearing the bank.’Whether she’ll be there?will she look at me?’ all these thoughts kept ringing in my mind….more precisely in my heart.
We got down form the boat and headed for the school with Munna with us.We entered the compound and asif somehow disappeared to the forest behind the school.
My eyes were searching for those pair of eyes.My eyes scanned the windows,corridors and every corner of that school.But I couldn’t find them.I was disappointed.
“what are you looking,amir?we haveny got much time with us!”,mahmood said.
“i….”,I did not know what to tell.

“Excuse me”,a sweet voice fell into my ears…that too a female voice.
I turned with anticipation.Yes! those eyes were right in front of me! I did not move..i just stared into those eyes and to my surprise,she too was looking at me.My heart told me to speak.Yes,I am going to speak….
“Amir,step aside yaar…we are blocking her way”,Mahmood interrupted me.
I moved aside and she walked by.I was looking at her till she reached the verandah.Again,to my surprise,she turned.
“Amir,we have to go.”,mahmood whispered.
“Yeah…let us go”, I said eventhough I did not want to.

We laid our equipments on the snow and looked through the binoculars to get any signs of enemy.But I was not at all focusing on that.Those eyes were haunting me. Somehow I finished that day’s job and returned to our den.That night too I watched the sky and slept dreaming of her.

Days passed.Our meeting became a frequent activity.I knew that my likeness for her had grown to love for her…and I was sure she too was feeling like that.but we never talked.And I decided to break the silence between us.

The next day I saw her.I asked her without any hesitation or introduction :
“Do you love me?”
She was not surprised.I could see that in her eyes…She looked at mine for a few seconds and nodded.I could see her smile in her eyes.But what she asked me almost killed me…
“I love you too…but you are here to kill all of us na?including me….”,I was taken aback.
“what?i…..”
“I know…I know why you go to that forest every morning…I know where you are staying…I know what all things you have in that bag…I know you are from Pakistan…dint ask me how I knew all these…but I know…”,her sound was trembling as she said this.For the first time,I saw those eyes filling with tears.Me too was on the edge of crying.
“But still I love you because…I don’t know…I just love you..eventhough u r an enemy of my motherland…I just love you”,she was crying.

At that moment I realized that love has no line of control,no politics,no boundaries…

I didn’t know what to tell her..how to console her.I just dropped my head down.

She walked away.Mahmood came near to me and said,”I need to talk to you.”

“what do you think amir?we have got just a week left in this village and now you are in love with a girl?that too an Indian girl?”mahmmod was shouting at me. Asif was listening.

“Mahmood,she may be an Indian…but she loves me knowing that I am a Pakistani.There is nothing like Indian or Pakistani when it comes to love…it is a matter between heatrs yaar…”,I said

“Oh..now u became a saint?talking rubbish philosophy…We r warriors…we are in a Holy war…and against this country in which your so-called lover lives….one day or other we are going to kill all these people…Sometimes you will have to kill that girl too!”

“SHUT UP,mahmood!”

“I know how you feel like,amir.But our aim,our war…..”

“Our war! We wage war for our religion,huh?what is the logic in that?The people living in this village are also muslims…our religion,right?and now u r telling me that we are going to kill them all!!! Killing our own people in the name of our own religion!!!great!!Is dis Jihad?”

Silence…

“Have you ever thought of your family after our deaths?you fight,shed blood and sacrifice your live for your religion and what about your wife,mother,children….?will this religion take care of them?No…is this Jihad??”

Silence…

“Did Allah ever asked us to fight and kill the people of other religions to raise the greatness of Islam?No…have you ever thought of the hundreds of innocent people whom we murder in bomb blasts?No…Is this jihad?No this is not Holy war…this is murder…murder of our own religion!!!!”

No one spoke a word. I just walked out of the room and sat near the river.

Just one more day.I was waiting at the mountains to meet my girl.I saw a black dot down the mountain and it became bigger as it moved close to me.It was my love.

“I am going tomorrow morning”,I said
She nodded.
I didn’t know what to tell more.I raised her face and kissed  her eyes…those beautiful eyes.Both of us were sure that we would never ever again see each other.we sat there and watched the rainbow above us…till evening…

“I know how you feel,amir…but..”,mahmood tried to console me.
“Mahmood,do you know how much important she was to me?Look at that rainbow, mahmood..my heart was like a colorless rainbow…and she was the one who painted it with the seven colors of love…and I promised her that I will never allow to fade that rainbow….”

And now am here…deeply disappointed..i couldn’t keep that promise…because I am dying…I can just hear the gunshots…the roars of the Indian soldiers and the agony of my friends…I just looked up…and I was happy…because the rainbow was there…I could see her eyes in that…I just smiled and closed my eyes……..in a hope that the rainbow will never fade….

Sreeraj