The Traffic Signal

THE TRAFFIC SIGNAL

The soap just slipped off from hands. And by the speed at which the bucket fills, it seems that even the water from the tap is not awake from its slumber.

Blame Budweiser!  I cursed in my mind. Last night was a blast. One of my roommates is getting married in a week and it was his treat. As he says, the beginning of “ the last week of freedom”, for him. We all drank, danced, drank, ate, drank, shouted, drank and drank and drank. At some point in the night, we slept, as if we were shot dead. And now I am standing in the bathroom , woke up late , struggling to get ready in time and reach the office, and this damn soap doesn't give a damn about my feelings. Damn!

Somehow I got ready and as usual had the cup of black tea, the daily breakfast , and grabbed my scooter key and ram downstairs of my apartment building. This part is the killer one. My apartment building is a 4-storeyed building and guess what, we stay on top! And after having a “sumptuous” breakfast, the breakfast itself melts away after running down all those stairs. Damn!

And the next hurdle. I own a submissive, sleek and slim Vespa and it doesn't take much space in the parking lot. But I seriously do not know how on earth does the parking lot turns in to “parking- a- lot” in the morning. And now, I have to figure out a way to get my Vespa out and start smoking to my office.

Finally, I hit the road. Well, one cannot absolutely say that he or she “hits” the road in this City. The traffic is too much that sometimes these roads can be the best teachers to teach patience. I am proud that I am a very, very patient guy! Yes, I learnt it the hard way. But, I love the morning ride to my office. Obviously, the traffic is much less compared to the hectic evenings, but what I love the most is the cool breeze while I speed on my Vespa and also the beautiful girls who either ride on their scooters or sit at the back side of their boyfriends’ bikes. Either way, I don’t mind! No, wait. I do mind, because I have been waiting for a long time for a girl with whom I can ride on my scooter. I am pretty sure that, even my Vespa dreams of it!

To be precise, there are 11 traffic signals en route my office. Yes, you heard it right, 11. And now I am stuck at the 7^th signal. The light is still red. The timer ticks down. As usual, through my black Rayban, under my helmet, I have been scanning around to check whether any chicks are there or not. Damn! What a day! Forget chicks, not even a single lady soul around.

Suddenly, I felt a cool breeze around me. I just turned around and saw a beautiful pink Scooty Pep that just reached on my right. I looked up, obviously with high expectations. And there she is, with a dark blue helmet, a ladies cooling glass, a slight shade of lip gloss…yeah, she was not just beautiful.. she was just awesome! I saw that her two ears are plugged in with a headset and obviously she is enjoying music, and not at all looking around. Can’t she just turn her face around? Can’t she see this smart guy on his beautiful Vespa, standing just besides her? Then it hit hard on me! May be I am not smart or handsome enough for her? Or does she have a boyfriend? Oh, why the hell am I thinking all these! But, why the hell can’t I take my eyes off her! I felt as if I am moving backwards as in a dream…No, wait..is she moving forward? Away from me? Oh no.. wait sweetie…

HONK!!HONK!!!HOOONK!!!!

What’s that? Oh my God! The signal had turned green and I was stuck in her thoughts. I could see a long line of vehicles behind me , with their drivers calling sweet words on me! I looked around.. she is gone. I started my scooter with a heavy heart.

I reached my office, obviously late, and I sank into my seat with disturbing thoughts. Yes, I have been thinking about her all my way to the office. And still now, she is disturbing me. I have seen more beautiful and sexier girls than her, but, why my thoughts are so stuck with her? I have a hell lots of work to do and still why that girl is holding me back from doing that? Am I in love?? I laughed out at that thought. Falling in love with a girl that you met at a traffic signal, whom you will never ever meet again? Or at least the probability of meeting the same girl again is very very low…close to zero! But still, there is a slight chance of meeting her. For the first time in many years, I prayed to God, which I never do as an atheist, that let that slim probability be true. After all, God itself is a big probability!

The day passed by without much events. After giving the responsibility of sorting out on the probability stuff to God, I started off with my job as usual. But still, the day seemed a bit different to me. I was immersed in thoughts. My colleagues thought I was planning something for my projects, but they never knew I was thinking about my ‘project’. After my office hours, as I was riding back to my apartment, I wanted a traffic block at very signal, so that I can look for her. I looked for that pink Scooty Pep at every other signal, but I couldn’t find any sign of her. I felt sad and my belief on that slim probability started to fade. God? After all, He Himself is a goddamn probability!

I had a bit more beer the last night as I had to get a fast sleep so that I don’t think much of that Scooty girl and screw my sleep. And, for me, everything seemed so slow and boring. Again, as usual, I was on the road, with my Vespa. And, here I am, stuck at some traffic signal, I did not bother to count which one, as I usually do. The signal is still red. I took off my shades and rubbed my eyes and had a clear look forward. I am far behind the queue, and I don’t think I will go through this signal in this go. As I was about to put back my glasses on, I saw it…a pink Scooty! Will it be her? The Scooty is about 10 meters in front of me. I want to reach there, somehow! I looked around for space. Damn! Come on…Yes! I turned my Vespa to my right, squeezed in between two cars, dropped into a gap on to the extreme right side of the road. I moved forward with my eyes stuck on the Scooty. I looked up on the traffic light and I can see that only 30 seconds remaining for the red to turn green! Come on, please help me, my divine probability! I kept on moving forward through that congested space. I can see the seconds rolling down..7..6..5..4..i am almost there! I reached just behind the Scooty and damn, the signal turned green and the traffic moved.

I was a bit disappointed but still I had a hope of catching her in the next signal. I kept my scooter just behind her without letting her go away this time. And as I had expected, the traffic stopped at the next signal. I looked up. I have 60 seconds. I moved my Vespa to my right and forward to the Scooty’s right. I held my breath for a second and looked casually to my left. My heart was beating like Shivamani’s drums! I was praying to the divine probability, “this should be her, please!” And I looked at Scooty owner’s face. Yes, that was her! Unknowingly, a smile carved out of my face. I did not realize that I was smiling at her. I know my smile was out of relief, happiness….love. But, not for someone who watches it. And here, that someone was herself! She was looking right at me! The smile on my face was dead. I don’t know whether I look like an idiot now. I couldn’t even turn my face away. I was stuck in a catch 22 situation, or to put in a better way, ‘caught 22” situation. She was not wearing her shades and those eyes were drilling into me. Of course I can look in to those eyes and be there for my lifetime, because those were such a beautiful pair of eyes I have ever met with, but not now. Those eyes are killing me, in all the possible ways. Is she angry? Or is she being sarcastic? Will she slap me now? Fortunately or unfortunately, the signal turned green, and the honks from behind made her drift away her stare and leave me in peace. But, the traffic light on the way for me to reach her heart, still remained red.

Even though, I met her again, my office hours were still dull. Mixed thoughts troubled me like anything. What could have she thought? Why didn’t she tell anything? Will I meet her again? I looked up to the divine probability. Yet again.

Evening. I was on the way back to my room and again stuck at a traffic signal. As I was just checking the fuel gauge, I felt a scooter just came and stopped to my right. I looked up and it was her! Oh my God…what will happen now…She took off her helmet and let her hair fly free. I saw her wavy, brownish hair, flying free in the soft wind, with the evening sun pouring its beauty on them. That was a beautiful sight for me. Suddenly, she looked at me and again, my eyes got locked in hers. And then happened the unexpected. She smiled at me! I was shocked, a smile when I was expecting a slap? I couldn’t believe it. I turned to my left to check whether she smiled at me or someone else to my left. No, there is no one there. She was smiling at me! And on top of that, she said, “Hi”. I felt like I was clean bowled by the best bowler in the world!

Bliss!

I wanted to say a “hi” back,  but those words got stuck in my throat. But, somehow, I managed a “hi” back, which was in a shivering voice and half of that word came out. She might have thought that I coughed. I did not know what else to say and I guess, even she was clueless what to say. And what to say in the middle of a traffic jam! Suddenly, the horns started blaring and the traffic light turned green. I had a wicked smile on my face as I started my Vespa, thinking that the traffic light on the way to reach her heart has also turned green…

I did not want to drink that night and sleep fast. I did not want to stop myself from thinking about her. Even though it was just a smile and small ‘hi’, that meant like an Oscar and Nobel at the same time for me! Will I meet her tomorrow? Dammit! If I meet her again, I should open my mouth and talk…ask her out…ask her phone number…talk a lot…and propose her! Thinking and thinking about a thousand things about her, I slept off at some point of the night. May be the sweetest slip off to sleep in my life!

I was totally a different man the next morning. Woke up early, got ready, had breakfast and raced to the road with  a big smile on my face and a broad smile in my heart. Somehow, my mind was telling me that I was going to meet her today. At some traffic signal, on the pink Scooty Pep, under the dark blue helmet, a beautiful face will be waiting for me…One may ask me , “what the hell! You haven’t talked to her…You don’t know who she is…and you are in love with her? “ . Yes, that’s a logical question to ask, but, I don’t know, I feel so. For the first time in my life, I started to love traffic signals!!!

1…2…3…4..I was counting the traffic signals as I went past each of them. Finally, I reached the 7^th traffic signal. I looked around…couldn’t find a pink Scooty. I looked around again. Yes! There it is! The pink Scooty. Is she wearing a jacket today? May be , it’s a cold morning. I found some space and rode my Vespa to the spot I found the Vespa. With a smile, I looked up to my left. Oops! That was some old man riding on a Scooty. My smile faded. Where is she? Has she taken a day off from work? I looked up to the traffic light. 80 more seconds. My heart was racing to reach the next signal and get stuck, and then look for her. But, 80 more seconds.

“Taaza Khabar..Taaza Khabar”, a newspaper boy was walking around with newspapers held up in his hands. I see him every other day. Must be around 12 -13 years of age. Poor chap! I thought of buying one copy and kill the remaining 60 seconds. I could see many people buying the newspaper this morning and I wondered what could be the reason?

“Hey, one copy here”, I called upon the boy. “Sir, hot news, sir, sirf paanch rupiah”, he was excited to get his 5 Rs. I bought the newspaper and gave him the money. I looked up. 30 more seconds. OK. Let me read the main page.

“Sachin Retires…mmm..yeah, he should…Modi or Rahul? : The Big Debate…who ever comes , increase the salary…”, I was going through each headlines and suddenly I got stuck on that news.

“ 23 year old girl raped and murdered by 3 people”, I thought, “ That’s like a common news nowadays..mmm..”, but the photo of the girl tore my heart apart. That was her! The girl that smiled to me a day back! The girl who taught me to see dreams!

I was stunned, shocked and destroyed! I couldn’t come back to my senses for a while…I could hear faint voices of people swearing at me for not moving my scooter when the traffic light turned green…I could hear faint voices of blaring horns of vehicles behind me…I couldn’t move a muscle….I stayed there numb…dreams shattered…heartbroken…I have lost a girl who had conquered my heart with just a smile and a simple word…just when I thought the light had turned green for me to go for her heart…

…and I looked up. The traffic light has turned.. red.

  <<>>

The CaLL

Trrrrrrrrrrrrng!!!!
OH!!! The alarm bell ! The sound that I hate the most….but only after my boss’s screams!

Ah, another day kicks off. I did not feel like leaving my pillow alone on ma bed. But sorry my dear hug mate, I have to leave you, office beckons me. I rubbed my eyes, yawned for the umpteenth time, stretched my arms, twisted my neck….oh enough of this circus…finally got my ass of my bed and dragged myself into the bathroom.

I had to take the shower quickly as there is no one in that single room apartment to make tea or breakfast for me…even I do not bother to make those for me! I was late, as usual, for office, and thus bathing was kind of a washing exercise. Somehow, I got into the formal attire with, of course, the tie around my neck, which I hated the most. The British has been long gone, then why the hell are we still becoming their eastern images??? Ah, at least they pay me for this drama.

I drank a glass of Tropicana, which was my breakfast for the past few months, and quickly locked the room. My friend, who usually accompany me for my daily job was waiting for me…my bike. The only problem is he drinks a lot. I mean, a LOT, as if he doesn’t know that petrol prices are light years ahead! As I was getting on to my bike, my mobile rang. I attended and a girl’s voice said “ Sir, are you Sreejith Srinivas?”

“Yeah?”

“ Sir, this is Vidya calling from HDFC. Would you like to open an account in our bank? “

Ah, the usual stuff. I said “ No, I am not interested”

“ But sir, our bank offers……”, she started the usual customer hunting stuff.

“ See, I am not interested. I have made it clear. Bye. “ I hung up the call.

I don’t have time for breakfast, and now she wants me to open an account. If I am late, there is no chance that I will ever have an account.

 As usual, the traffic was high; honking was at peak and lot of people cursed for being an obedient bike rider. And yeah, finally, I reached my office…the place I hate the most…but only after my own apartment.

The only good thing about office is I have got many friends there…in the sense, they also share the same feelings as I have, about the boss, not that they are my real friends. Even, “just friends” will visit their friends’ house at least once in a month. These guys don’t even know where I stay. And, by the way, I don’t care. But as soon as I stepped in to the office floor, I could see smiles on everyone’s faces. I wondered “ Did I get fired? “

“ Hey, Sreejith, when is the treat? “, that was the charming beauty, Tina

“ Come on man, beer won’t do this time. We want hotter stuffs” , the ever-cool ( as he boasts ) Vicky

“ Sreejith, we will go for Hotel Resident Evil, what say ? “, the classy guy ( again, self-proclaimed ) Arush. I don’t like that hotel, especially the bill !

I was walking to my cabin, and each of my ‘friends’ were talking about the party. For what? I wondered again “ Did I get promoted? “ The next moment, my boss’s face came into my mind, and I said “ No”.

“ No, how dare you say that, Sreejith?? You have to give us a party”, the voice I hated the most.. yes, my boss, Vikram, was standing just in front of me. Now I seriously thought , “ Sreejith, you are the ASM, great job man” . The thought of getting promoted brought a wicked smile on my face, a smile which many adored some years back.

“ Look, he is smiling. So the party is on ! “, Tina, “ He doesn’t even look like he is turning 25 tomorrow “

What??? Turning 25? Damn , it is not a promotion. It is my birthday tomorrow. My smile vanished at the thought that I am not going to be the ASM, but I am becoming one more year older.

I couldn’t speak, but I somehow managed to ask “ How come you guys know……..”

“….about your birthday??? Come on, we are living in the Facebook world, bro….FB told us this little secret of yours “, that was Vicky. I hate him. And now, I hate Zuckerberg.

“ Oh yeah, yeah….yeah, the party is on. Tomorrow evening. Hotel Resident Evil. “ I could not believe that I said it. But, yeah, I did.

“ That’s great. Now, everyone back to work”, Mr. Vikram snapped his fingers and walked back to his cabin. Wait, he stopped , turned back and called me “ Sreejith, come to my cabin immediately”. So, this day is also gone.

In a minute, I was there. In Vikram Aditya Singh’s cabin. A huge chair, for a very little man. A very spacious round table, with very little space for files and books, as most of his table is covered with business magazines and some devotional magazines. There are three chairs at the opposite side of the table, but I have never got an opportunity to sit there and talk to him , as he never allows that. I thought “ One day….”

“ Sreejith..SREEJITH!!! “, that scream woke me up.

“ Sir..”

“ The report you had sent to me the other day is not convincing. Some of the ideas that you are talking about are utter crap. I thought I would throw the whole report to the Municipal Waste Tank, but later thought, it would be better if it takes rest in your apartment. I want a fresh report tomorrow itself! “

“ Tomorrow? But Sir, my birthday…..”

“ What? Birthday??? The treat is planned for evening, right? Birthdays will come and go…..” and he added “ ….jobs also”

I got it. “ Yes, sir. The report will be there on your table tomorrow morning. I assure you that, Sir”

“ Good. If you keep your word. Now go back and do your work. Go! “

I did not stand any single second more there. As I stepped out of the cabin, my cell phone rang. Again, an unknown number. I attended the call.

“ Sir, this is Amar from HDFC bank. Would you like to….. “

“ No”, I hung up the call. Banks, I thought.

 I walked back to my cabin, thinking, not about the report. But about my birthday. The day I hate the most. The day I don’t want to celebrate. The day even I don’t remember, and someone else who chose not to remember.

Two years has passed. May be, more than two years. For the last two( or more ) years, I am not me. I had lost myself two years back. My life has been disarrayed and my life has lost its ‘life’, since the day she left me. Since the day, fate had ‘horoscopped’ our lives. Me and Revati had to move apart just because the damn horoscopes did not match, not because we lost the spark of love between us.

But, I thought, our hearts are still close. But, she wanted me to go away from her life. No calls, no messages, nothing. Once, she had told me that if I will be in her life, that will be the happiest thing for her. The same Revati, said, if I call her or message her, or my presence in her life is a disturbance for her. She just kicked me off her life, just like some one snaps off the burning end of a cigarette. I was lost, I smoked, drank, did everything to get rid her off my mind. But nothing could help me. Nothing. She, her thoughts, those moments kept on haunting me.

I forgot to live. I forgot to laugh. I forgot to be sociable. I forgot what I was. I changed. I became someone else. I tried to get into the company she worked, but failed. I tried to see her may times, call her many times, but everything failed. One every birthday, I expect that she would call me to wish…just the two words…at least drop me a message…nothing happened.  I started hating my birthday. The unfortunate day on which I was born, which ultimately took her away from me in the form of a damn horoscope. And now, I don’t know where she is, what she does or she got married , I don’t know anything. I don’t live. I just exist.

The mobile phone woke up again. Again the unknown number. I did not pick up the call as I was sure that the call was from HDFC.

“ Hey, dude, don’t forget about the birthday party, ok ?” I hate you Vicky. I smiled.

Another birthday. The office friends have ignited in me the hopes of Revati calling me again. No, she will not. She might have lost my number. Even I don’t have her number, and I have changed my number many times. Then how can she know about my phone number. But, she can get the number from our mutual friends, right? But, she will not do that. But, it’s been two years, may be she also feels like calling me. Hmm. No. that will not happen. I know her. Or will she??

I was not able to concentrate on my work. All these thoughts were running in my mind. I stepped out of my cabin and went out to smoke. Cigarette kills. It kills you and sometimes, your stress as well. The mobile phone rang again. I looked at the number and hung up. Must be HDFC, again.

The entire day, I was thinking about the call. Revati’s call. Just 6 hours to midnight and at any time that call can come. Or the call will never come. But, I don’t know her mobile number. How can I know whether it’s Revati who is calling? Hey, wait, what about all those unknown calls I rejected, without even attending them? What if one of those was Revati? God, I don’t know. I will never know. All I can do now is to wait…wait till midnight.

I had a nice shower and sat in front of my table to prepare the ‘report’ for my boss. He must have planned this.. to ruin my pretty birthday eve. Dumbass. As I was hurtling with the report, I was looking at the clock. It was 11:45 pm and not even a single message came wishing me “ HapPy Birthday”. (Sigh)

I stopped preparing the report and kept on staring at the screen of my mobile phone. I could not sit. I walked around in my room looking at my phone. Finally, the clock ticked 12. No messages yet. No calls yet. Even those idiots who are waiting for my party hadn’t sent me a message. And, my Revati did not call. I shouldn’t have expected that. Fool again.

I said to myself,  “ Happy Birthday, Sreejith “. I dropped myself onto my bed. I closed my eyes.

The phone was ringing. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the screen. Again, an unknown number. Damn, don’t these guys sleep? , I thought. I almost disconnected the call, but on a second thought, I attended it.

“ Hello?” , I asked, hoping it was my Revati.

“ Hi, Is this Sreejith? “, a girl’s voice

“ Yeah!!! Revati? “ I was sure

“ mmmm…Happy birthday, Sreejith” , her voice…after such a long time.

“ Thanks, Revu, miss you a lot “

“ Miss you too. Bye”, she hung up.

I was too happy. I jumped off from my blanket. Danced around…..

The phone was ringing. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the screen. Unknown number. Wait, is she calling again?? No. That was a dream?? She did not call me? No. It was me who called me. But, could this be Revati? I attended the call.

“ Hello? “, I asked, hoping it was my Revati.

“ Hello, Is this Sreejith Srinivas? “,  a girl’s voice

“ Yeah!!! Revati? “ I was not that sure

“ Sorry sir, this is Ramya, calling from HDFC, sir”

I did not know what to tell. All my expectations, all my emotions, everything burnt down. A birthday, which was supposed to be just another day for me, was lit up by hopes, that Revati would call me…waiting the whole day for her voice whispering into my ears “ happy birthday”…but now, all I have got is a call from HDFC…the first call on my birthday….

I could feel tears flowing down my cheeks, but still, out of nowhere, I said, “ Love you, HDFC”
Saying that I threw my phone somewhere, I closed my eyes, leaving my heart to beat fast and tears to flow hard…

I kept on saying “ Love you, HDFC “  …. God knows, why.

Horoscopped

HOROSCOPPED

Prologue:

I slowly opened my eyes. I could not see anything clearly, all I could see was a few people standing around me and I was on a bed. A guy wearing a white overcoat patted on my shoulders and said,” Don’t worry, you are fine now”. What the…? What did he mean by that? As if I am not alright.

“ What the heck happened to you man????”, somebody asked me, in fact somebody shouted at me. That really helped me to wake up completely. Everything became clear to me now. Yeah, I am in a hospital and the doctor was consoling me. I saw the glucose bottle hung near to me. And the guy who was shouting at me was none other than my colleague in Infosys, my close friend, Prasanth. But again, the same doubt rang in my mind..What the….? Why am I in a hospital? What happened to me?

“Tell me yaar, what happened to you???”, Prasanth was shaking my arm now. I looked at him thinking,”I am also trying to figure out the same thing man.

“Let him relax. Give him some air and time to think. Prasanth, come to my cabin. I will tell about the medicines that you are required to buy”, the doctor said to Prasanth. He smiled at me and left the room.

I was still confused. I tried to remember what might have happened to me last night. Why the heck am I lying on this hospital bed along with a glucose stand by my side!!! I looked at a calendar on the wall. The date showed 8^th November, 2013. What is so special of that date, damnit. I looked away and was still thinking and then it struck me. I looked back at the calendar again and looked at the previous date. 9^th November !!! A date I will never forget in my life. A date that changed my life. A date that brought me into this hospital bed. Now everything was clear. I know what happened last night. Everything came dawning on to me now. My mind travelled 8 years back…..

“ Pass !! Paasss!!! Pass the ball idiot!!!”, I was shouting to Anup who was running with the football. I was left unmarked at the right wing and  I was almost certain to score a goal if I get the ball. But he kept on running with ball, dribbling and was not giving the pass. And finally he lost the ball. Damn, that was a goal if he had passed, I thought. I turned back and jogged back to my playing position and then I saw  a group of girls walking along the road to our school building. ‘Who are they?’, I thought as it has been almost two weeks after the school had re-opened. The road was very close to our football ground and I could clearly see that there were five of them. I asked Sanjay, my  team-mate(obviously class-mate) about them and he said they might be the new admissions and could have come to see the campus. I watched them. Yeah, they seem to be the new admissions to the XIth standard, except one. I saw a little girl in golden yellow churidar who was surprisingly short. ‘ May be an eighth standard admission’, I thought.

“Vishal, take the passsss!!!!! “, Anup’s shout woke me up from my thoughts and I ran with the ball forward. I went past two defenders and directed the ball to the right corner of the goal and hell yeah, I scored ! GOAL! My team-mates were ecstatic and cheers and roars were all around. The group of the five new girls turned their heads hearing the big buzz. That was the first time I met with the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.

Next day, when I entered the class, I was surprised to see the little girl sitting on the very first bench. This girl in XIth standard? In disbelief I walked to my place, obviously the last bench.

I never was close with any girl in my school and did not mind to know the names of the new comers of our class.

“ Hey, It’s been almost two weeks. You are not going to talk to them?”, Rimi asked me.

“ Why should I??? If they want let them come and talk to me and my friends.”, yeah, that was me. It’s not because of my arrogant attitude, but just because I was shy in talking to girls. But the girls in my class thought that I am a guy with  attitude. By the way, I came to know her name…Revati.

She was very active in the class and she and her group became the pets of the teachers very quickly. She became the topper of the class exams after exams. The geek-guy, Jagan, became close friends with her. Obviously, geeks find friends amongst geeks only. We always used to tease Jagan along with her name. And he liked it…Idiot!

Two years passed. Obviously , she became the school topper in Class XIIth Board Exams. I did not even say ‘congrats’. Why should I? I am not even close to her. Not even a distant friend.

I joined an Engineering College. Time passed. I was the same guy as ever. No friends from the female species. I was the ‘silent-guy’ in the college and the ‘violent-guy’ in the hostel. It was great time in the hostel with a new bunch of friends. Watching movies, playing football, boozing almost every week , playing cards every night and the only thing we kept aside was the text-book kit, which was unopened.

Days passed by. One day, I got the mobile number of Revati from one of my school friends. I just saved the number and forgot it. But I got forwards from her on a regular basis and I thought It’s not good to be not responding. I also started sending forwards to her and slowly we became friends.

One night, I was playing cards and simultaneously I was chatting with Revati on my cell phone. I asked her:

“ How is Jagan? How is everything going?  ;-) “

No reply .

I re-sent the message.

No reply again.

Oops..did I ask anything wrong? I was about to send a ‘sorry for asking’ message. But then my message tone beeped. She said :

“ Please don’t ask about him. I don’t like that”

I replied:

“why? What happened? “

“ Nothing, I don’t like you people teasing me with him. There is nothing like what you guys think”

Then, the unthinkable happened. I typed in:

“ Oh, so have I got a chance ? ;-)”

I don’t know from where I got the courage to ask that. It was like someone made me type those words. Obviously, that someone was God.

I was expecting an angry message in reply. A message that shouts at me. But what came was:

“ What? Are you serious?”

Now, I decided to play the game.

“Yeah”

“Please stop making fun of me”

“No, I am serious, believe”

“ how can I trust you? I know you are playing jokes”

“ I am serious. If you can, believe me”

I had my plans . If she says no, I will say that the whole thing was a prank. Otherwise…no, that wont happen. No girl will like me.

I even thought the other way round. She might be playing the same game. She, with her friends, might be trying to make an ass out of me. A message beep brought me back from my thoughts.

“ Call me”, she replied.

What???? I have never talked to a girl in phone. I became nervous. Why is she asking me to call? To laugh at me with her friends? No, I wont stand that. I am not calling.

Another message came:

“ Call me , NOW!”

I did not. I did not have the courage to call her. That too, in the night. No, no chance.

Two minutes passed. My phone rang. The display showed : Revati calling.

Omg!! What should I do now?? I thought of the evil laughs of a group of girls. No No No…I am not taking the call. The call ended unattended.

Again!!! The phone rang again.  She was calling me again!! No, I am not taking. But, as if someone was controlling me, my fingers pressed the ‘attend’ button.

“H…e..Hello?”, I said. Nervous.

“ Hello? Vishal?”, her voice.

“Eh? Er..Yeah”, my voice. Again nervous.

“ I am at my home. Cant speak for long. Now tell me. Are you serious about what you said through message?”, she asked.

“ Er…Yeah…Yeah”, I said. No, I am not serious. But why the hell I am saying ‘Yes’ !!

“ Oh..ok..I will tell you in two days. I have to think. Ok? “, she said.

“ohhK…”, what else could I have said!

She hung up. I could not control my happiness. But I did not burst out my emotions. I could not sleep that night, thinking all about what could be her answer when she calls in two days. It was the cricket world cup season. As India was piling up runs on the board, my heart was padding up for an important game of my life: I may get bowled out or I can hit a six of my lifetime!

Since I did not sleep the whole night, I bunked the next day classes and slept merrily  in my hostel room. In the evening, I got ready for my usual football match and as I was leaving to the ground, my phone rang. It was her, Revati. I thought for a moment and took the call.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Vishal?”

“Yeah, Hi”

“ Hi, I thought about the thing you asked me. And I called you….”

“But you told me that you will call me tomorrow only na?”, I interfered.

“Yeah, but I did not want to stretch this more. That’s why I called you today itself.”, she said.

“ Oh, Ok, ….so…” I wanted to ask it, but I could not.

“ So…If you are not lying, and if you are looking for a life-long relationship , then ….”, she stopped.

“Then?????”  I became anxious.

“Then… I am ready”, she replied.

“Oh thnx” I said blankly. Yeah, that dumb was my reply. Normally guys would jump in joy when a girl accepts his proposal. But I did not even move. But, hell yeah, I was very happy.

“What??? Thanks?” , she asked,perplexed.

“I mean..yeah,,,for accepting my request…I am really happy…”  I said

I could hear her smile.

“Hey, I am going to play…catch you later…”, I loved football more at that time. And I made it clear by saying like that.

“Do you really want to go?? I mean..can we talk a bit?”, she asked

I thought for a moment and replied, “ Ohk,.sure”

A girl can change your priorities so fast. And from that moment I loved her more than football.

“Tell me about you…your family and everything”, she said.

I told her about my father, mom, brother and all details about my family.

I stopped talking. Silence for a few seconds.

“ Don’t you want to know anything about me?”, she asked.

Yeah, I want to. But I was wondering how to ask you, honey!!

“ Yeah, ofcourse”, I replied

She also repeated the same exercise I went through but not as boring as I did. She had a gift talking in such luring manner. I could sit with her for hours and will never get bored of her chats.

“We will call once in a week, ok?” she asked

“ Ok..fine” , I replied, eventhough I wanted more of the talks.

But that condition lasted only for that first week. We called everyday. Talked for hours. Became very close…closer than anyone would think. Yeah, I started to come out of lie. Now I love her more than anything. As she had said, I am ready for a life-long relationship with her.

As we were studying in different colleges, we saw seldom but still we could feel that the bond between us was getting stronger everyday. Once she had said that she loves me more than her parents. I was happy but advised her that is not the right way. I was becoming more than a mere lover for her. I played a great role in making her love her parents more than what she did before meeting me. We had fights ending with kisses, kisses ending in fights and even fights and kisses together.

She never expressed her care for me and I sometimes failed to understand her silent care. But somehow she had the magic in her to bring the mood between us to happy times. Her smile, her giggles, her anger, her stares, her tears everything had a magic..a magic that made me more and more fall into her…and I prayed always to God that please let me fall more and more into her so that I should never get out. And God listened.

My Mom and my bro knew about this relationship and even my Dad knew( he did not know that I knew that he knew). No one opposed. Everyone loved her also. Mom was so much as excited as I was. My bro started plans of teasing us in future when she comes to my home. Four years passed and she told about me at her home. Again, God was with us. No one opposed. In the meantime, she got placed in some software company and I was trying to crack CAT. Her parents wanted to make sure that this relation should be said and made done.

On 3^rd November, 2010, my Dad and my Mom visited them and handed over my horoscope as they were so orthodox about these religious beliefs. Yeah, everything was fine till then.

November 9^th, 2011, 12:30 a.m. It was raining heavily outside…thunder  struck everywhere…wind was blowing fiercely and no power at home. I was sleeping near to my brother and my phone rang. It was her. I picked up and I could here her crying.

“Hey, what happened?”, I asked. Worried.

She kept on crying.

“TELL!”, I asked

“Our thing….vishal….our thing…wont work out…..it wont work out Vishal….” , she was crying while she was telling this.

I almost dropped my phone. But I still thought this could be another prank from her.

“Tell me what exactly happened”, I asked

“Our…our horoscopes did not match…this will not happen..It’s over”

This time my phone dropped off from my hand. I picked it up and I could not tell anything.

I could feel tears down my cheeks. Oh God, I am crying. I stared out into the rain and was crying like hell. I could hear my girl crying on the other side of the phone. I could not stand that.

“I will call you back. Please don’t cry”, I told her

“Don’t know what to do now….what we will do, Vishal?” , she asked

I don’t know, Revu.

“ I will…I will call u back”

“Ok”

I hung up the phone and dug my face on to the pillow and cried like anything. I went downstairs and called Mom, hugged her and cried a lot. I told her everything. What can she do…I cried..cried…cried…could not call her…

Some people are that. They believe marriages are done between horoscopes, not between individuals. Even if two hearts love each other, it doesn’t matter, the stars in the sky decide their fate. And among 600 billion people around the world, only Indians’ fate is decided by the stars.

Days passed. She tried not to call me or message me. Yeah, she had reasons. Her parents stood by her till the last moment. Now she cant blame them. I cant blame her. I cant tell her to love someone whom she knew only for 4 years more than her parents who had loved her for 23 years. I could hear her voice only if I call her at least 20 times, that too once in a month. Yeah, she was going away from me…knowingly…and I know it hurts for her and me. I pushed my days by blaming God , falling into smoking and drinking.

I joined for my MBA course and I always kept myself busy so that I should not get time to think of her. But I forgot that God once granted me my wish that I should never get out of her. I lost my old charm, lost my enthusiasm, lost interest in doing anything, lost focus, felt like I lost everything. As time passed, I got placed in Infosys and I knew someday I will have to see her hand held by some idiot. I will have to see her living with that idiot. An idiot I always wanted to be.

9^th November, 2013. The day I feared the most had arrived. Surprisingly, my girl, oh sorry, Revati is getting married on the same day we parted. I went to my apartments and drunk like hell. Drunk till night. Wanted to sleep off forever. I did not want to wake up the next morning. Till that day, at least I believed that she was mine. But from tomorrow, she is not. I drunk , drunk till darkness crawled into my eyes.  

Epilogue:

“Hey, what happened to you , man?”, Prasanth asked as he came in with the medicines. That brought me back to reality. I looked at him for a few seconds.

“Tell me what happened”, he asked again

“ When you are just one step away from getting a thing that you wanted the most in life, you loved the most in life, and then God adds a fucking cruel twist and robs that away from you, what will you feel?”, I asked.

“What? Well, I will feel devastated”, he replied.

“ Exactly. What if that thing was your life? And since God robbed that thing which was your life, what is the option left with you?”

“Vishal….?”, Prasanth, looking terrified.

“ Exactly”, I said looking away from him

Enrique.....

They say love is just a game
They say time can heal the pain
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose
And I guess I'm just a fool, I keep holding on to you....

Don't you forget about me, baby
Don't you forget about me now
Some day you'll turn around and ask me
Why did I let you go?

Life is the most exciting suspense-thriller ever....you never know what happens next...when n where the twists n turns are...and when the climax comes!!!!

When you lose someone whom u wanted the most, u lose yourself and become a fake...every word, every step, every smile, everything becomes fake...just to show the world that : "yeah, I exist here"

A Sunday Diary

A SUNDAY DIARY

TRRNNNNNGGG!!!

I jumped from my bed when the alarm hit 6 am.
"Why the hell did I set my alarm this early on a fine Sunday?",i asked myself,disturbed.
Oops..i almost forgot that today i have to attend a marriage and i'l have to take a long drive alone.

"Hey Sree,please dont wake me up for tea or cofee.I wanna sleep.Tell me when you leave.Hmmm...",that was my wife murmuring under her blanket.Lovely.
Once again i just checked the wedding card to make sure the place where i have to go.On every occassion i get a wedding card,three words come into my mind..."SREEKUMAR weds REVATI MUKUNDAN"..hmmm..the sweetest moment in my life.Yes,ours was a love marriage.

TRRRNNGGGGG!!!!
The snooze in tha alarm woke me up from my thoughts.I rushed to the bathroom and had a quick shower and got ready in an hour.
"Hey Revz,m leaving...see you at in the evening...bye tak care"...I did not wait for a reply from her because no one can expect a reply from a sleeping wife.

The climate was cool.
"Aahh...nice day...i miss my blanket",i said to myself and tuned my FM into some chirpy music program.
As i drove by,i saw some school students on their bicycles,chattering each other.They were smiling,laughing and they seemed very happy.
I sighed.

I miss them..my school days..the most exciting and happy days of my life.I never loved my college days.But school was everything for me.It was my school that changed me,that gave me my Revz,that gave colors to my life and also Prianka...Prianka Krishnan...my special friend.
I drove my car to around 15 years back..........................

.

I was nervous and a little bit angry when i stepped into my new school when i was in 6th.I never wanted to miss my friends and my old school but i had no other go.I nervously entered the class and sat on the last bench.I had heard that the classes already started a few days ago and i joined late.The first period was English and a female teacher with specs entered the class and started asking questions.My heart began to beat faster and i started to sweat becuase i was weak at english.But suddenly a slim,oili-haired girl stood up and answered all the questions.Wow...thank God..she saved me..and that was the first time i saw her..prianka.

Days passed by and we became friends...she was a bubbly girl who always wanted to talk.Her eyes were big but liked them..they were beautiful.We played a lot...talked a lot...laughed a lot..but all these lasted for a year only.Gradually she kept herself away from me.I never knew why,even now i dont know the reason.For the next six years she was never friendly to me.At times,she talked to me,only when she was angry,just to call me STUPID.

But smehow, iwas falling more into her.Some may think, an 8th standard kid falling in love?Kinda wierd.But i will never say that what i had for her was love,but my feelings for her were special...
Whenever i cycled back home after the classes,i always searched for her eyes in the crowd...whenever i went by my school premises  i looked for her...i even hunted for her in theatres,supermarkets,hotels...and whenever i saw her or whenever she looked at me,it was like heaven for me.I have even prayed for her glances at me because  i loved her eyes...i even liked her "stupids" because even then she is talking to me...i always thought why the hell she is not coming back to me.what might i have done that wrong!
I buried my feelings for her within me and soon the school days were over.

HONK!HONK!!
OMG!that truck almost kissed my car.I woke up from my thoughts and i realised that i was hungry.I had my food from a motel nearby and resumed my trip.My trip to past....

After my school, i never heard about her for the next two years and in fact i never bothered to...because by that time,an angel conquered my heart and that angel is right now is sleeping on my bed.
But after two years,somehow i got her phone number and i tried to re-establish my friendship with her.the response was tremendous.She flooded my inbox with messages,called me frequently...as if she were missing me for a long time..and 8 years is in fact a long time.
She knew that i was in an affair and me too never hid that from her.She started confide everything in me..her sorrows and happy stuffs..everything.And one day she called me 'bhaiyya" and she really meant it.

We became so close that i was just like a member in her family.But one day,it happened.
I got a message from her but that was not for me but for some one else.It said: "......i had a crush for this guy.......name is Sreekumar......"...i was confused and called her and asked what was that for.At first she tried to run away from the question but finally she admitted it.She too had a crush on me...at the same time i had for her!

After the course she joined some company and never forgot to have contacts with me.But she fell in love with North Indian guy there.I was not at all happy with this.I always believed that i had a special position in her life and now some North Indian idiot is going to take over that.I couldnt stand it.But just because i loved her a lot i supported her.But after that i could feel that she was not the same again....

I reached the auditorium.I rubbed my eyes and checked my watch.Ah..well ahead of the muhurtam.As i stared on top of the auditorium,i saw those words:
******** weds Prianka Krishnan.
The board,which once i wanted my name on it..with hers.
I walked in.I saw her in wedding dress.Wow..that old skinny,oil-haired bubbly girl stands in front of me like a pretty princess.She smilied at me.Those big eyes were twinkling and seemed bigger due to the excitement.She touched my feet which i never expected.I blessed her as her bhaiyya.

i walked out and looked at the sky.I thought: " i am living in the seventh heaven with my angel...but there was always a sixth heaven where two hearts never talked each other..."
I turned back to see her again.There she was,smiling,happy with her husband.
Words came out of my mouth automatically",God bless you..Love you"....

25-03-2015,Sunday